One Way To Handle Second Marriages

One Way To Handle Second Marriages

While all of us hope to find that one special person in our lives, what do we do when that person is taken away from us unexpectedly? For some lucky people, they end up finding a second special person. One of those lucky people is Kimberly Roads, a member of the grammy-nominated country band Little Big Town.

After disaster… On November 28, 2006, she married her long-time friend, Stephen Schlapman after her first husband died from a sudden heart attack last year. He was only in his forties, so his death came as a shock to everyone but with Stephen's help not only was Kimberly able to get through her tragic loss but her band went on to have its best year ever. Their album The Road to Here just went gold and two of their singles had been in the Top 10.

The Second Time around So how does a recently widowed country singer tie the knot the second time around? Well, Kimberly and Stephen headed to a private Caribbean island with their friends, family, and the other members of Little Big Town to exchange their vows. In fact, the ceremony we so secret news of their marriage didn't even hit the press for another nine days.

That brings us to a topic that more and more couples are facing: what are the rules for a second wedding? While Kimberly and Stephen kept things small and private with a destination wedding, there's no rule that says second weddings have to be that way. But if you want to stay true to those traditional wedding etiquette ideas, then there are some definite guidelines.

Ok What do you do second time around? For example, brides who have been married before are not supposed to wear white to the wedding. Traditionally, the white dress represented the bride's virginity so the symbolism would be lost on a bride who had been married before. Of course, you might argue that a lot of brides going down the aisle don't deserve to wear white in that case.

Also, most etiquette books say second weddings should be small affairs. If you've already had a huge wedding, then there's no reason to do it all over again. While Kimberly and Stephen seem to reflect that tradition, other celebrity couples – particularly Tom Cruise (who was married to Nicole Kidman for 11 years and Mimi Rogers for 3 years) and Katie Holmes – go all out the second and subsequent times regardless of the etiquette rules.

Another big question is whether or not to invite your ex-spouse to attend the ceremony. The answer is it all depends on your relationship and on how your spouse-to-be feels about it. Some divorced couples do manage to stay friends afterward, particularly if there are children involved, and it's completely acceptable for them to receive an invitation. However, if the two of you had a rocky break-up and/or your new partner isn't too fond of your ex-, then you might be better off just giving him or her the head's up over the phone and skipping the invitation.

The bottom line is that whether you're on your first or second marriage the important thing is to choose a wedding ceremony that makes the two of you happy, regardless of what the rules of etiquette say.